The sixth thing: Loving

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
– Robert A. Heinlein

Just when I thought I understood the shape of my life after losing Vickie in April, the universe decided at the end of October that actually, both my life and the life of another needed to take a turn.

And, just this weekend, the two of us decided to announce on our various social media presences that we’re undertaking the slow, gentle process of intertwining our lives.

So, in part because I’m making up for being a little late on last Saturday’s post and also because I want to record this on my web log sooner rather than later, here be my post about it.

Therefore, folks, here is us: Rob Farquhar and Melissa Jane McBroom.

I am very grateful to all the support and best wishes we’ve both received from our friends and family – a common mate told me she’d been trying to set us up for a few months, even ensuring she sat Meli next to me at the Star Wars RPG sessions I run (those in the same circles will know exactly which redheaded geek wench I’m talking about), and I think Meli’s mum was trying to nudge things along after I met her at the function where the photo was taken (more on that in a couple of paragraphs).

We’ve had only the one question (asked all of twice so far): “Are you engaged?” While the short answer is “no,” it’s not a ruling-out. We are simply taking our time and getting to know each other, and we’re already secure enough in ourselves and each other to know there’s no rush.

Doubly so as Meli has a young son, Zack, who’ll hit his teens in a couple of years or so. He has been great about his Mum and I spending time together (we’ve been meeting up on lunch breaks) and apparently I’ve made a solid impression on him.

Nonetheless, he still thinks we’re embarrassing and/or nauseating him with the sickening lovey-dovey gooey-ness. You know, like holding hands and stuff. Big time gross-out.

I can understand the question, though. The photo I posted on Facebook was taken by a friend of Meli’s at the November 8th grand opening of Cairns Bridal and Accessories, the new shop in town where Meli works making custom bridal couture.

Not only does the setting look very “big reveal” (it was actually a photo nook for showing wedding gowns off), it wound up being something of a candid shot; there was some sort of awkward moment, I can’t remember what, that caused us to laugh at the silliness of it all and, thankfully, Meli’s friend chose that moment to take a photo – I actually like it better than the proper one above, where I’m doing my usual impression of an anime character whose smiling eyes never actually open.

It just sort of shows us, you know?

Going public has also been a learning experience. There were folks close to me that I didn’t think to tell before we did the Big Reveal on Saturday morning, in part because I was worried how they’d react, and they reacted with hurt and anger – sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. As easy as it might be to shift blame the other party, I have to accept my part in that hurt.

To write more than what I’ve written so far in this post, I think, is kind of redundant. I’ve blabbed my side of our “how we go together” story to close mates (because of course), but ultimately, I think we can only answer the meaningful questions about our relationship not with words, but with time.

And I’d like to think that Vickie, whose ashes are still in the carved wooden box on top of the bookshelf just to my right as I type this, along with our wedding rings and mementos of our marriage (like love letters and Valentine’s Day cards), would be happy for me to have found someone.

I’m happy, even more so because I get to make Meli happy. Whatever else is in the cards for us will come in its own time.

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