Expecting to Disappoint Revisited: The Tug of War

It’s been a little over six months since Kelly Gurnett published my “Reader QUIT” about expecting to disappoint on her web log, Cordelia Calls It Quits. And in that time, I’ve made some progress… but at the same time, I don’t feel like I’ve made all that much.

There are reasons, of course. Over the last six months there have been a heap of changes at work and I’ve been stressing out a lot more, feeling as though disaster is imminent – job-losing, loan-busting, house-losing, can’t-afford-to-play-for-Vickie’s-upcoming-cataract-surgery grade disaster.

Thankfully, I’ve turned the things I can turn around at my end around, and other things have improved as well. Still, the blows to my self-confidence meant I let my interview schedule for The Paid To Play Podcast go, and I’m still catching up.

While I’m in a better place as of this post, I keep finding myself thinking: Shouldn’t I be further along in my quest to get Paid to Play by now?

I still feel as though I’m not logging the hours that I ought to be. Perhaps I’m reading too many web logs written by born hustlers and ignoring my own (and Leo Babauta’s) advice to start small.

(I sometimes get the feeling I ought to drop all my blog subscriptions barring Zen Habits, just for the sake of my own sanity – cut out the messages that keep telling me to do things I’m not yet doing in favour of ones that advocate finding peace with who I am and what I have right now.)

Yet, there’s this other voice that, whenever I think about logging an hour or two toward doing something – anything – toward making an income from my own interests, that says:

What about your wife?

What about the time you spend away from Vickie that you’re never going to get back? Sure, you mightn’t be as interested in Crime Time TV as she is, but you ought to let her share what she loves with you, you selfish git.

I talked about this a little with Danny Iny in the comments on my post, “How Audience Marketing keeps me up at night.” Danny is a self-made success with his own marketing business, Firepole Marketing (I ought to get him on Paid to Play sometime). Yet he still struggles with his own demons of expectation, which he wrote about in his own post on Heartbreak, Debilitating Fear, and the Craziest Risk We Might Never Take….

I wrote to Danny, “There’s this monster in my head – my wife calls it a “gnome” or a “rat” – and more than anything, my wife wishes I’d ignore the monster and get to doing what feels right to do.”

He replied, “There isn’t really a solution to it, though, other than just putting one foot in front of the other – and if you do that for long enough, you find that you’ve arrived somewhere. At least, no other solution that I’ve found… 😉 ”

That gels with something I took away from an interview Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend fame conducted with one of his own team, executive coach Debra Russell. She said something very powerful about making changes to your life: “People overestimate what they can do in one year, and underestimate what they can do in ten.”

So maybe I shouldn’t be further along my own Paid to Play road than I am – I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and not worry too much if I put a little Crime Time TV time in each step – just as long as I’m not neglecting Vickie overall.

Are you sad or stressing?

What thoughts in your head try to pull you away from the things that feel right to do?

If you liked this, please take a look at:

Firepole Marketing: Heartbreak, Debilitating Fear, and the Craziest Risk We Might Never Take…

From Hair Stylist to Executive Coach: How to Achieve Massive Goals – Scott Dinsmore interview with Debra Rusell (YouTube)

Zen Habits:

Featured image by janissary; sourced from Flickr